[The following Op-Ed letter is from Bob Wentworth, who has had a close-up view of CNVC’s organisational change efforts since 2012, having served as a CNVC Board member and co-architect of Process for a New Future, a facilitator of much of the process, and a volunteer supporting the Implementation Phase. This letter reflects his personal views of recent events. This particular message was an open letter addressed to the CNVC Board, copied also to several mailing lists.]
Subject: Request that the Board prioritize connection
To: CNVC Board
Date: June 15, 2018
OVERVIEW: I ask the CNVC Board to prioritize connection, and to take an active role in transforming the conflict present in CNVC. I include specific requests.
Dear Katherine, Jan Carel, Raj and Cate (in your roles as members of the CNVC Board),
I invite you to please, please, please, please, please prioritize connection.
I perceive the Board’s April 25 letter to the Implementation Council as reflecting and increasing severe disconnection within CNVC and in the NVC network.
It is possible that you may not agree that there is severe disconnection present. If so, I want to humbly suggest that, if one party thinks there is disconnection, and the other does not, that is itself evidence of disconnection.
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I believe and trust that the Board is doing its best, under difficult circumstances, to care for CNVC and for Marshall’s legacy. I too want those to be cared for.
I also know that being in a leadership position can often seem lonely and thankless. One often receives more criticism than support. It often seems like those on the “outside” don’t understand what we are trying to care for, and the challenges we are dealing with. I regret how often leaders are criticized ways that don’t reflect realistic expectations, or hold people’s humanity with care. I want to be a part of changing that pattern.
I also recall, from my time serving on the CNVC Board, that serving on the Board can seem like one is living inside a bubble that blocks full awareness of what is going on in the larger community. It can be important for a Board to hear perspectives from outside. I hope you might read this message in the spirit of being supported to know more about outside perspectives.
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I fear that we are at a critical moment in the history of CNVC, and of the NVC network, in which we are collectively allowing the challenges we face to get in the way of actually living the practice of NVC.
I have never experienced more division in the NVC network. The division has seemingly progressed to a point where different groups have different and incompatible narratives and “facts” concerning what they believe has been happening. I worry that there might be a “point of no return” beyond which the level of pain and separation in the network might escalate and become a permanent divide, a schism in the community.
If a permanent schism were to happen in CNVC or in the NVC community, I have a hard time imagining anything more damaging to the reputation of NVC as a as a practice for promoting connection and addressing conflict. If we can’t find ways to connect within CNVC, why should anyone believe that NVC has real-world value?
I urge you to protect Marshall’s legacy by prioritizing connection and working to transform the conflict present in CNVC and in our community.
The Vision Mission Aim statement of CNVC says that:
- CNVC helps people peacefully and effectively resolve conflicts in … organizational … settings.
- CNVC’s mission is to contribute to more sustainable, compassionate, and “life-serving” human relations…
I am asking for the CNVC Board’s help in “peacefully and effectively resolving” the conflict in CNVC.
I am asking for the CNVC Board to support CNVC’s mission of contributing to “sustainable, compassionate, and ‘life-serving’ human relations” — right here in CNVC.
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Here is my best attempt to turn these concerns into concrete requests:
- Please open Board meetings to observers, provide notice of meetings, and resume timely publication of Board minutes. Also, please publish Board minutes for at least the last year.
- Please take steps to hear from and care for all sides before making any major decisions that affect the community. (I see choosing Board members in a manner that many believe to be incompatible with existing agreements as such a decision.) Further, please engage in dialog with stakeholders about any decisions you are considering that would affect those stakeholders.
- Please err on the side of inclusion, rather than exclusion, when it comes to deciding who should be involved in a Board conversations, until a general sense of connectedness can be achieved.
- Please honor the agreement to include Dominic Barter as a full Board member when it comes to addressing any issues related to substantial changes in the New Future Process. (Many believe that the Board has already fully violated its agreements with regards to the New Future Process and Plan. Relative to this view of things, nearly every choice the Board now makes involves a substantial change in relation to the NF Process. Please stretch to include Dominic in your conversations, to support the emergence of more shared reality.)
- Please initiate or agree to participate in a restorative process that would be open to all major stakeholders affected by any decisions about CNVC’s change process (the New Future Process).
- Please commit the Board to participation in a conflict transformation system that would include at least the Board, Staff, and Implementation Council, and which would provide a means of addressing grievances from the NVC network.
I feel some tenderness, thinking that this might seem like a lot to ask, in terms of the level of effort involved. Yet, I see any paths forward that don’t involve connection as ultimately requiring more effort, and leading to more suffering.
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I believe that if we authentically connect and hold all needs with care, amazingly wonderful life-serving strategies will inevitably emerge. Isn’t this the belief and experience that CNVC exists to promote in the world?
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Would you be willing to let me know that you received this letter?
I am open to, and eager for, dialogue.
Respectfully,
Bob Wentworth
CNVC Certified Trainer
[As of February 2019, no response or acknowledgement was received from the Board.]